my mini gas passer

my BIG presentation at work is today & i wanted to end things on a sweet note.
i give a special thanks to my mini-me with this photo... :)

wouldn't you want K to pass you some gas??

wish me luck please!

midazzle me!

<< midazolam = a potent anxiolytic & sedative with amnestic properties >>

the drug i give to all ages from wild toddlers to nervous grandpas every single day.

it is truly magical.  within minutes, they are calm, relaxed, a little sleepy, & memories of the fear of surgery vanishes... they definitely go to la-la land. 

and guess what? i feel midazzled! i finally finished work after 10pm on my late call day which means... i have the day off today!  woo-hoo!  i am slowly forgetting the horrific week of being on-call every other day - i am definitely drifting off to la-la land.

sadly, i will be working a 24 hour shift on saturday, but i am at peace with it because i got midazzled.  why are days off on the weekdays so much better than the weekend?

well, la-la land always consists of my sweet sweet kaila.

although i sometimes wish i had some of that midazolam juice to give her...

here she is, layer by layer.

kaila is dressed in baby Gap from head to toe! 

i have become a baby Gap lover.

wishing you a midazolam-filled friday!

passing gas

my job is to "pass gas" all day long.

it can be difficult at times, joyful at times, & stinky at times - similar to your gas passing moments?

the anesthetic gases are quite pungent, but not as stinky as kaila's.

she was having a hard time falling asleep the other night, so i let her cuddle with me in our bed.

she loves to move around & somehow her little tushy was right up against my face.

and i of course, don't move! i love being in close proximity to her!

bad move on mommy though. she let me have it with a noisy smelly fart.

i had to laugh though.

i love it when she passes gas.

if she was awake, she would have said "bahng-goo" (fart in korean).

i'm proud to say i'm a gas passer for life & so is my kaila. :)

happy friday!

i wouldn't stand behind this gassy lady. :) k sporting the chosen puffy coat from Gap.

side note: working in the pediatric world definitely gives you all the ugly winter viruses.  kaila & i have been in a vicious cycle of giving each other the bugs the past few weeks.
(the reason behind my non-existent blog posts)
hoping the bugs will leave us alone this weekend...

friday journal

i am 3 weeks away from finishing my two-month pediatric anesthesia rotation & boy am i relieved!

i was given praise for my skills today & was given the pep talk to pursue a pediatric fellowship - which means another year of residency! i am the one counting the days left of my residency!

i can't believe i actually contemplated it. these kids must be getting to me! 

oh, the little people - they are so dear to my heart, but honestly, the days are so draining.

here's a typical day: 

a bubbly happy toddler who finally trusts you after spending a good amount of time blowing bubbles & racing cars on the table, eagerly comes into your arms just to have you smush a scary mask against their face with stinky gases. they look at you with tearing eyes that say, "i trusted you! why are you doing this to me?" -  and my heart breaks every time i see those eyes.  then you meet the next kid, who is terrified of every single dust & object in the room and your ears go numb from all the hysterical crying. but don't worry, you have the powerful medicine to make him mellow out. that's another mini fight though as you or the parent struggle to get the syrup in his mouth.  now the 3rd kid turns out to be an 8-week-old premature infant who is completely helpless and so tiny that you can't believe you are poking him with needles & putting tubes down his throat... just as you are massaging your neck from the strenuous day, you have your next patient, who has cerebral palsy and multiple medical problems because their selfish mom decided to do crack, PCP, & alcohol all at once while pregnant. but guess what? the day is not over.  the last patient is a sweet 1-year-old getting a routine procedure that decides to laryngospasm upon awakening and gives you a real mini heart attack.  sweat is dripping & the heart is racing but at last, the workday is over...

and the first thing that pops up in my head? KAILA.

i rush home to kaila to use any bit of energy i have left to hear her giggle & play silly games.

i just melt when i come home & you can physically see a smile growing across her face until she laughs and throws me a hug. *sigh*

i hope you all have a good weekend!

*giggle*   *hug*

thursday journal...

how do you working mommies do it??
i am definitely struggling again balancing work & mommyhood.
and i ended up taking a solo walk around our neighborhood in the 40 degree weather this evening with tears rolling down my cheeks.
this week has been tough - kaila spiked a fever sunday night, and was getting worse.

a husky cough turned into a full-blown bronchitis with junky coughs, runny nose, and squeaky breaths...and lots of miserable crying with sleepless nights.

people always say to me, "you're a doctor, you're so lucky because you'll know what to do."

but the truth is, i don't.

all the medical info i learned on pediatric medicine is pretty much thrown out the window.

i'm like every other mommy who gets anxious, scared, and saddened by their kids' illness.
and my selfishness got the best of me this week because she didn't find comfort with mommy like she used to.  but i don't blame her - i would be more attached to daddy if i only saw a tired mommy a few times a week for a few hours at a time.
to be honest, i am drained - emotionally, physically, and mentally.
and i have friday to look forward to - a day without seeing my sweet kaila.
i'm sure you are thinking, "snap out of it!" - and i will try!
thanks for listening.

the residency blues

after a long 16-hour work day, i was 20 minutes shy of having the day off tomorrow. instead, i am rewarded a full 10 or 12 hour work day.  measly 20 minutes = sad mommy.  it's the worst feeling when you expect something nice and it's taken away from you.  i was daydreaming about all the fun things a mommy-daughter day can bring about... but POOF! 09:40pm - surgery ends and my next day turns into a dr.mommy day.

so to cheer me up, here's a pic of good ol' family bonding time we shared this past weekend at millennium park...picnic on the lawn during country music festivities & a walk around the bean... i love chicago.

when's the last time you took a family pic?? we definitely need to take more!